I have found that the older that I get the more I don't seem to know. I don't know how to install good character into my children much less model it for them. I don't know how to make cute crafts or do fun things. I don't know what to say to a friend that has a struggling marriage or is just been hurt by their mom. I am not sure what to do when your husband is gone for 6 months because of work and then how to reconnect the marriage. See and that is not even counting the things that I don't know that I don't know. It can be so overwhelming and big and crazy. It makes me at times want to give up.
The funny thing is a recently got encouragement from an unlikely source. I was listening to the radio and the song "Show Me What I Am Looking For" by the Caroline Liars came on and oh my gosh it is amazing. Here is the lyrics that stood out to me the most:
Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for Show me what I'm looking for
Oh Lord
This perfectly captures how I feel.
Save me, I am Lost and have no clue where I should go next. Oh Lord I have been waiting for you and I will give up self, desire, and wants to see You more clearly. Because I am not content to live this life wandering and waiting but I want to move forward in my relationship with you, learn more, grasp more, want more. But most of all show me what I should be looking for, show me what is the thing I need most.
Now this song does not solve my difficulties or the overwhelmingness but it does shed hope onto the situation because it reminds me that God honors a heart that is searching. (Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.") And that is what I am going to keep doing, imperfectly, is search for Him. Search in His word, in the world He created, in the people He has put in my life and know through my mistakes he can make whole and through my failings he can make complete.
As I am writing this I am filled with gratitude. So how has God proved himself through your mistakes today?
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